Tips for being your best you!

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Here’s my most recent copy of The Journey Newsletter where I offer tips to help you on your journey– whether it’s health tips, spiritual growth or just things I’ve found that help me and I want to share. It’s also a good way to find out about my new releases. Click the link below to read and don’t forget to sign up and share!

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28 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself

From Bayart.org

When the journey of self-betterment begins, we are always looking for ways to improve ourselves. It is a constant journey where we must be honest and open to change. Often we find improvement advice can be too metaphysical and theoretical. As a passionate advocate of growth, I’m continuously looking for ways to self-improve. I’ve compiled 28…

Source: 28 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself

Can’t we all just get along?

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Most people that know me know that I can be pretty easy going. I am a seeker of truth and I spend a lot of time contemplating the mysteries of life… wondering if there are answers to life’s difficulties.

The other day I was having a conversation with someone I love dearly about religious matters and in the middle of it, I realized they would never relax their guard enough to entertain another perspective. They were completely convinced that they were right, and perhaps they were, I never claim to know all things. But I’m always  willing to hear another perspective. I entertained their argument, offered my divergent opinion and it was sending the person into rage.

After I got off the phone, it came to me that this is how most people are now days; so convinced that there is only one truth… one answer… and of course, they’ve got it and everyone else is wrong. People, collectively, have gotten to a place where they are the experts, the know-it-alls, on every subject and now that access to social media and other platforms have gotten under their skin, they’re willing to debate, demean, demoralize and spew hatred toward others. Some are even willing to escalate to violence over their beliefs.

Stupid. As I told this person, “perhaps you’re right, I don’t take a hard stance on things that I believe are unknowable.” And when it comes to the subject we were discussing–religion, how can we ever truly know? How can we know 100% what is right or wrong, what sins are forgiven and which ones aren’t (Please don’t troll me, I ain’t got time). Until we are face to face with God, how will we ever know? We can’t. We only have a belief and the unfortunate thing is that most people BELIEVE their BELIEF is TRUTH.

I can honestly say that since I gave up the need to be right years ago, my life has been filled with so much peace. I’d rather not spend my time debating and trying to convince others of the rightness and wrongness of things. I came to understand that I have an opinion and it will always differ from others based on their personality, upbringing, socio-economic status and so many other things, and for that reason my own opinions and beliefs are ever-evolving. And while I believe that healthy, respectful conversations about difficult issues are the key to moving humanity forward, I know that most people just aren’t there. Republicans, democrats, gun control, left, right, immigration, religion, LGBTQ, name your pick. Right now, the game we’re playing is us against them. And until we recognize that the only thing that matters is “We,” meaning the whole of humanity, this nonsense will continue.

I encourage you to hold fast to your beliefs, but refuse to take a hard stance on anything. Always be open to another view, always be respectful if it differs and always choose love over war. Be willing to engage in healthy, respectful discourse. Be someone who seeks resolution, not to be right or make others wrong. This, I believe, is what will move humanity forward.

To your journey,

Tonya

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Begin the journey to loving yourself.

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cyprus-1166880_960_720There is an assault on women right now. We are constantly being judged and measured by our appearance. It’s causing us to feel like we don’t measure up because we don’t have tiny waist lines, long legs and perfect teeth etc. It’s causing our young folks to either want to be like or want to marry women like the ones they see on T.V., many who have been photoshopped or cosmetically enhanced or are chronically starved. Men are choosing mates based on what the woman looks like instead of more important traits like personality, integrity and whether or not they love them– and as soon as they say “I do” the countdown to divorce begins. You can’t build a life with someone based on “pretty.” It’s not a good foundation. You need to have common goals, interests and values. Not to mention looks are fleeting.

Very few of us hit the gene lottery pool. And the big secret is that even “pretty” women struggle with issues surrounding their appearance. It seems almost no one is exempt. The media attempts to prove that you’re only valuable if you’re perfect. News flash… no one is, not even the people they show us in the magazines or on T.V. If you see some of those people on the beach or sans makeup, they have stretch marks, scars, even cellulite like the rest of us. Things that are common to all human beings are covered up during photo shoots to give us the illusion that they are perfect. 

As I got older I started to see so many women with so much pain around their physical appearance, young and old, a lot of it stemming from childhood. Many women feel like they are bruised or damaged fruit. It was the inspiration for my third novel Dirty. In the book, the main character Deidre, of bi-racial heritage and considered beautiful by most, struggles with her identity, a product of a childhood in which she was abandoned by her father and bullied by the kids at school. She feels unworthy, unloved… like she doesn’t fit in because she’s different. The story chronicles her journey to self-love, which she ultimately discovers, has nothing to do with outer appearances.

It’s a big deal. Please love on your children, especially your daughters, and constantly nurture their self-esteem. Constantly remind them of their worthiness and value. Teach them not to judge themselves or others by their personal appearance, but by the quality of their character. Recognize the signs that you or your daughter might need healing and begin the process. Uncover what’s unique about you, your skills, gifts and talents and begin to celebrate that. Stand fast in your knowing that you are one of God’s perfect creations and there’s no need for anyone to compare themselves to anyone else as we are each perfect in God’s eyes.

Let’s make a vow, a vow to stop criticizing ourselves and our sisters because of outer appearances. Let’s extend love and kindness to ourselves and our sister circles, constantly building one another up. The young women in this video are an incredible example! http://abcn.ws/2jPzE2lDirtycover

Our children’s future happiness, as well as our own is at stake. The dedication in my book reads… “For those who bear the scars of childhood and have yet to see their own beauty.” Please recommend it to anyone you know struggling with this issue (women and advanced high-schoolers since it does contain some intimacy). I hope Deidre ‘s journey to self- love inspires you. https://goo.gl/guihyL

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Tonya

Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and uses skills learned from her work as a coach as well as lessons from her own journey to write articles providing tips for successful living and to tell stories of hope and personal triumph. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a National Indie Excellence Awards finalist. Her short story titled Birthday Surprise received honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest Short Story Contest. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

Sign up for her newsletter to receive life changing tips and her latest news! http://eepurl.com/cdcvWT

 

Do something good! If you enjoyed this article pass it on by clicking any of the below social media tabs or by entering a friend’s email.

Our America

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One of the inherent flaws in the human condition is to separate ourselves from or label someone or something else as other. We see it as early as grade school, on the playground… the “us vs them” mentality. We see it with our sports teams, or religious practices and it’s definitely the source of our racial division. Something about the human condition says, “if you’re not exactly like me, if you don’t do what I do, or think the way that I think, you’re wrong.” And here lately, people are holding so steadfastly to their ideals that situations are escalating to violence.

Really?

There’s a universal oneness to everything in God’s magnificent creation. To deny it causes unnecessary stress and strain on our lives, since you’re denying God’s natural order. It would be much simpler to embrace every beautiful expression of God, in all its myriad of forms. Instead, people are under the veil of falsity that makes them think that they must fight everything, that it is natural to be a source of dissention at every conversation… on social media etc. It’s not. Love is our most natural state. And just imagine what all that stress is doing to your physical body. After you do that, next, imagine what all that dissention, bashing and evil is doing to your soul.

This brings me to the current political climate. I understand we all have our views and they will differ, but I encourage all of you who are outspoken dissenters, who spend your time arguing with others about the rightness and wrong-ness to consider finding a constructive way to voice your concerns instead of lashing out in ignorance toward others. This country belongs to all of us, and being divided will never help us improve the state of our nation. We should pray, have conversations that rise above who’s right or wrong and that move toward fair solutions to all our problems. And yes, we should support peaceful protests. But, we should also be more willing to compromise. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. In all or nothing situations there’s a 50% chance you’ll end up with zero.

Fighting about situations solves nothing. Voice your concerns in a positive way. Be supportive of the process or work to change it. Don’t just sit on social media picking fights with everyone. Be a part of the solution. The bottom line is that this country is not just yours or mine… it’s ours. Instead of fighting, let’s all work together to make it the best that it can be.

Bring on the trolls, Lol.

Tonya

Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and uses skills learned from her work as a coach as well as lessons from her own journey to write articles providing tips for successful living and to tell stories of hope and personal triumph. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a National Indie Excellence Awards finalist. Her short story titled Birthday Surprise received honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest Short Story Contest. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

Sign up for her newsletter to receive life changing tips and her latest news! http://eepurl.com/cdcvWT

Do something good! If you enjoyed this article pass it on by clicking any of the below social media tabs or by entering a friend’s email.

Are you caught in the matrix?

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Got your attention. Good. This has nothing to do with the movie. By matrix I’m referring to your own individual matrix. which is quite possibly your barrier to success.

Well, Tonya… what do you mean?

Have you looked at other people and wondered why they were so successful? Have you been trying and trying and it seems like nothing is working? Do you have a tendency to lose more than you gain?

By the individual matrix, I mean the blue print for your life. It’s way too complicated to cover everything here, but I wanted to at least introduce you to the concept. Perhaps this blog might help you discover what’s been missing.

We are all born with a certain personality type. Some of us are healers (yours truly), some of us are teachers, servers etc. Some of us are more action oriented doers. Some of us have skills in art and literature, another might be gifted at comedy, and still another is gifted at fixing things or math. Bottom line is this… we all have an individual blue print and part of that blue print includes things we are gifted at and it’s imperative that we know. Each personality type also has inherent strengths and weaknesses. It behooves us to know who we are to such a great extent that we line any endeavor we undertake with our personality. Anything else invites failure. For example, you discover that you don’t like to be confined in an office working on a computer all day without public contact… why did you accept a job crunching numbers for a warehouse all day? You’d be better served by lining your gifts up (in this example we’ll say finance) with the other elements of your personality (in this example we’ll say people person). It seems like perhaps a financial planner might be a better fit. Same goes for your weaknesses. If you are sensitive to criticism, perhaps stand up comedian isn’t for you, unless you can grow beyond it. This is why it’s helpful to know your personality in-depth. You can see what’s there and either accept certain aspects or move beyond them if you choose to do so. There are many tools out there that can help you learn more about your personality. I recommend the Myers Briggs Personality Profile as a place to start (as a certified practitioner, I’m biased). Again, let it be a guide for your own process of self discovery.

Another component of the matrix is your family heredity. How were you conditioned as a child? What conscious or unconscious beliefs do you hold? Did you grow up hearing money doesn’t grow on trees? Or how about a rich man can no more enter the kingdom of heaven than a camel through the eye of a needle. If these or others like them are your family mottos, you may have some unconscious programming going on… a tape in the back of your mind that will limit your future success. Google it. It’s not my intention to go into great detail on this particular blog. I just want to introduce you to the concept. Another part of family heredity is the type of examples you were shown. Children tend to emulate what they are shown vs. what they are told, so if your mom told you you could be anything you wanted but you witnessed her as a housewife and your father off and on employed, you may have some conditioning going on. This is not the case for everyone, but if you’re having trouble moving up the abundance scale, it might be something to consider.

We also have race conditioning. And by race conditioning, I mean the purveying belief of the human race. The one that comes to mind is ‘ a woman must stay home with her children.’ It takes a lot of effort to step out of the conditioning and decide I can be successful and still be a good mother. Same could be true for minorities being heads of companies. Race conditioning tells us that historically this hasn’t been the case. Thank God these falsities are changing. A person can achieve whatever they set their mind to do. Search your mind and heart and make sure you haven’t limited what’s possible for you based on what others have said.

Then we have desire and passion. What is it that you really want to do? Passion and desire to see a thing fulfilled creates positive momentum which activates the Law of Attraction. Forward momentum is a highly creative energy that tends to bring about success and abundance as opposed to feeling stuck and confused. Identify what it is you’re really passionate about and make it a part of your everyday experience.

Lastly, we’ll discuss your habits. Are you just wishing everyday for abundance or do you have a definite plan or goal? If you would like to own your own business, have you started thinking about how you will start one… better yet, committed it to paper. If you don’t have a definite goal with a detailed plan, it’s just a wish. Outline what it is you’re going to do, i.e. get promoted, start writing a book, start a business etc. Figure out what you need to do step by step, assign dates and commit to it. If you don’t have a definite plan more than likely, you won’t take action.

Experience is also a part of the matrix. How good are you at what you do? Your gift must be nurtured. Commit to developing the necessary skills to be the very best that you can be at whatever it is you’re trying to do.

All these things add up to make or break your success. In summary:

Get to know yourself — innate gifts and skills, strengths and weakness, and personal preferences. Make sure every endeavor lines up with who you are at the very core of your being.

Live your passion. Find what gets your juices flowing.

Overcome limiting beliefs and thought patterns.

Set goals for yourself.  Commit to small habits everyday that move you closer.

Master your craft. Do it again and again, and learn all that you can to become the best that you can be.

And finally, be committed. You’ve done the work… now… burn your boats. There’s no turning back. Those who have a heart to succeed will. Persistence pays. Patience rewards.

While other things might be a part of your matrix that warrant recognition, these are some of the major points. I wish you much success on your future endeavors.

To Your Journey,

Tonya

Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and uses skills learned from her work as a coach as well as lessons from her own journey to write articles providing tips for successful living and to tell stories of hope and personal triumph. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a National Indie Excellence Awards finalist. Her short story titled Birthday Surprise received honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest Short Story Contest. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

Sign up for her newsletter to receive life changing tips and her latest news! http://eepurl.com/cdcvWT

Do something good! If you enjoyed this article pass it on by clicking any of the below social media tabs or by entering a friend’s email.

The real truth…

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Okay… so here’s the real truth. Sickness is not a necessary part of the human experience. No shade to all the medical professionals out there. I have a few in my family who do an amazing job caring for patients. They love their work and they’re inspired to care for others. And some people really need assistance from medical professionals. We honor them for the service they provide.

But this obsession we have with going to the doctor and using a pill to solve all our problems is not necessary. Many (not all) people suffering from certain conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure etc., and downing hoards of prescription meds daily, could be free with just diet modification, a commitment to daily exercise and the required ounces of water per day.

We have this amazing thing called the internet. A full library on just about anything you can imagine is right at your fingertips. Don’t suffer through the side effects of medications if they aren’t absolutely necessary. Don’t become dependent on doctors. Take your health into your own hands. You be the driver.

How did we get here? We grew up in the rise of the HMO. I used to work in the industry. What started as a focus on preventative care eventually grew to docs and meds as a way of life. Have you noticed that about 1 in 4 commercials is related to illness. As a society we’re not that sick, not yet anyway. But we will be if we don’t come to the awareness that we’re being subtly programmed by watching these commercials over and over. We are blindly accepting this mentally of illness. How many people in your neighborhood and family were sick when you were growing up as compared to now? How many were at the pharmacy multiple times per week? How may had narcotics in their medicine cabinet? Health is your birthright. It always has been. And it’s the state we should all be striving for… good healthy foods, body movement, fresh air and sunlight and management of stress.

If you’re really ill I understand your need for medical care. But I’ve learned from my own experience that lifestyle modification goes a long way in addressing many conditions. Start researching your condition on the internet to see if lifestyle changes might augment your treatment. Find a doctor who believes in the miraculous ability for the body to heal itself. They’re out there. You just have to search a little harder because sickness is a big business and it yields high dollars. Many doctors care, but they also stand to profit by you being sick.

Below are some things you might not have been aware of when it comes to health. A simple Google search will offer more extensive information.

1- The sodium-potassium balance is responsible for regulation of blood pressure

2- Selenium is beneficial in fighting cancer

3- Omega 3 Fatty Acids lower your risk of autoimmune disease. So does vitamin D.

4- Vitamin D boots immunity and is helpful with depression. So is magnesium.

5- Zinc is extremely beneficial for colds and flu.

6- Chromium helps regulate blood sugar.

7- Many adaptogens help with stress. Rooibos Tea is one.

8- Many foods and herbs have cancer prevention properties such as green tea.

9- Glutathione enhances the body’s ability to detox, even from mold.

10- Silica is extremely beneficial for treatment and prevention of Alzheimers (oatmeal is high in silica).

11- The acid/ alkaline balance is extremely important when it comes to certain conditions, ie cancer, heartburn, even weight loss.

11- Magnesium is one of the master minerals. It is critical to health and is a good place to start with any treatment for illness. (Even if you ignore the rest, Google this one).

There are so many alternatives available. Many of the above mentioned nutrients can be found in a simple multi-vitamin. Empower your self. Take your life into your own hands. Know that you are in control of your destiny and it’s harder to have a full life without a body that is healthy and strong. Treat it well and you will reap the rewards.

To Your Journey,

Tonya

Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and uses skills learned from her work as a coach as well as lessons from her own journey to write articles providing tips for successful living and to tell stories of hope and personal triumph. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a National Indie Excellence Awards finalist. Her short story titled Birthday Surprise received honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest Short Story Contest. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

Sign up for her newsletter to receive life changing tips and her latest news! http://eepurl.com/cdcvWT

Do something good! If you enjoyed this article pass it on by clicking any of the below social media tabs or by entering a friend’s email.

 

Rude is the new Black

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Are you a #twitterjunkie? Running to catch up to the latest dis or juicy gossip? Can’t wait to hear someone bashing someone else… talking about their clothes, their children, their crooked teeth? Can’t wait to hop on the pile and further run that person into the ground?

Remember the bullies on the playground when you were growing up? Doesn’t this behavior seem familiar?

Sneaky isn’t it. You probably didn’t even realizing you were doing it… participating in this ‘mob mentality.’ You were just going along because everybody else is doing it. And it’s not just twitter. It’s social media in general.

I think we have to ask ourselves what benefit do we get by participating in the suffering of someone else? What’s lacking that makes us revel in someone else’s pain and misfortune?

We have this amazing platform in social media. It can be used to start conversations, spread life affirming and needful news rapidly, connect with others around the world, but the majority of people don’t use it for that. They use it to feed their egos by putting others down, or to publicly complain about things that haven’t earned such status, or to start feuds with people.

I implore anyone reading this message to, of course continue to have fun on these genius platforms, but be conscious of your usage. Be conscious of the tendency to aggrandize yourself… 100 pictures of you is enough. We really get it, you’re great! So is your dog. Be conscious of your tendency to put someone else down in order to feel superior, be aware that the joke you told or the negative comment you made about someone will hurt them, just like it would hurt you. Be aware that, although you’re just typing on a computer, there are real people on the receiving end of it… with feelings and family members. Ask yourself how you would feel if such vitriol was directed at you.

We need to speak out against abuses and bigotry, sub-par products and services and corrupt politicians, but in a way that serves all of us. Let your comments garner more than just a chuckle. Be an uplifter. Be a change agent. Let what you add via social media help to move the conversation forward. And I encourage you to click the mob mentality link above. If you’re not familiar with the concept. It’s eye opening.

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To Your Journey,

Tonya

Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and uses skills learned from her work as a coach as well as lessons from her own journey to write articles providing tips for successful living and to tell stories of hope and personal triumph. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a National Indie Excellence Awards finalist. Her short story titled Birthday Surprise received honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest Short Story Contest. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

Do something good! If you enjoyed this article pass it on by clicking any of the below social media tabs or by entering a friend’s email.

 

 

Deliver us from evil…

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Okay, so I’m tired of being quiet about it. I’m sure you’ve noticed it too. As a society, more and more we’ve become drawn to darkness. We have become consumers of evil: death, slander and gossip, misfortune of every kind, criticism. It’s as if we wake up in the morning seeking something to feed on. The news, that internet headline. Most people don’t even realize they’re doing it. It starts slow and subtle, but before long, if you’re not careful, it becomes a habit.

I know…it’s easy to get caught up into it. That social media feed is sooo tempting. So are the headlines in the day’s newspaper or on the evening news. I mean negativity is everywhere you look. But just because it’s ubiquitous doesn’t mean it’s good, nor does it mean you have to partake in it.

Well Tonya, why should I be the maverick and carve out my own path and stop doing what everyone in my circle is doing? Fighting over politics, denigrating people because they look a certain way or think differently from me. And why on earth should I stop talking about that one co-worker and how incompetent she is when I’m at the office water cooler? I mean… she really is incompetent.

Because all those negative thoughts and behaviors carry a charge. And that charge becomes part of your physical makeup, a part of your being. And as a human being you carry a point of resonance and that point of resonance helps determine what’s attracted to you in life. We assume we are victims of misfortune when in actuality it’s our state of being that is largely determining what is happening to most of us. Have you ever wondered why throughout the ages we’ve been told to think positively and that there’s power in positive thinking? Have you ever considered that every major religion admonishes us to love and be kind to others? It’s because the energy that we put out is returned to us. Look around your world at people who are genuinely positive and good natured and see don’t things just always seem to work out for them. Conversely, did you ever notice that the people who are extremely negative seem like they never get a break? Schleprock comes to mind. If you’re over 40 you get the analogy.

The Bible makes references to thinking on a higher plane:

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Luke 6:37 Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

James 3:14-15 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness

It behooves us to clean up our habit of sloppiness when it comes to indulging in negative things… whether it’s entertainment, news, friendships, conversations, places of employment. Be intentional about the energy you wish to carry, knowing it will be returned to you in kind.

And if you are not particularly pious or even if you are, I strongly urge you to google the Law of Attraction and start to understand how the universe works. Each day we get to choose what we align ourselves with. Commit to making better choices. Decide that you will disconnect yourself from unnecessary states of darkness. I can guarantee your experience of life will be completely different. And in doing so you will be helping to uplift all of humanity.

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To Your Journey,

Tonya

Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and uses skills learned from her work as a coach as well as lessons from her own journey to write articles providing tips for successful living and to tell stories of hope and personal triumph. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a National Indie Excellence Awards finalist. Her short story titled Birthday Surprise received honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest Short Story Contest. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

Do something good! If you enjoyed this article pass it on by clicking any of the below social media tabs or by entering a friend’s email.