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cyprus-1166880_960_720There is an assault on women right now. We are constantly being judged and measured by our appearance. It’s causing us to feel like we don’t measure up because we don’t have tiny waist lines, long legs and perfect teeth etc. It’s causing our young folks to either want to be like or want to marry women like the ones they see on T.V., many who have been photoshopped or cosmetically enhanced or are chronically starved. Men are choosing mates based on what the woman looks like instead of more important traits like personality, integrity and whether or not they love them– and as soon as they say “I do” the countdown to divorce begins. You can’t build a life with someone based on “pretty.” It’s not a good foundation. You need to have common goals, interests and values. Not to mention looks are fleeting.

Very few of us hit the gene lottery pool. And the big secret is that even “pretty” women struggle with issues surrounding their appearance. It seems almost no one is exempt. The media attempts to prove that you’re only valuable if you’re perfect. News flash… no one is, not even the people they show us in the magazines or on T.V. If you see some of those people on the beach or sans makeup, they have stretch marks, scars, even cellulite like the rest of us. Things that are common to all human beings are covered up during photo shoots to give us the illusion that they are perfect. 

As I got older I started to see so many women with so much pain around their physical appearance, young and old, a lot of it stemming from childhood. Many women feel like they are bruised or damaged fruit. It was the inspiration for my third novel Dirty. In the book, the main character Deidre, of bi-racial heritage and considered beautiful by most, struggles with her identity, a product of a childhood in which she was abandoned by her father and bullied by the kids at school. She feels unworthy, unloved… like she doesn’t fit in because she’s different. The story chronicles her journey to self-love, which she ultimately discovers, has nothing to do with outer appearances.

It’s a big deal. Please love on your children, especially your daughters, and constantly nurture their self-esteem. Constantly remind them of their worthiness and value. Teach them not to judge themselves or others by their personal appearance, but by the quality of their character. Recognize the signs that you or your daughter might need healing and begin the process. Uncover what’s unique about you, your skills, gifts and talents and begin to celebrate that. Stand fast in your knowing that you are one of God’s perfect creations and there’s no need for anyone to compare themselves to anyone else as we are each perfect in God’s eyes.

Let’s make a vow, a vow to stop criticizing ourselves and our sisters because of outer appearances. Let’s extend love and kindness to ourselves and our sister circles, constantly building one another up. The young women in this video are an incredible example! http://abcn.ws/2jPzE2lDirtycover

Our children’s future happiness, as well as our own is at stake. The dedication in my book reads… “For those who bear the scars of childhood and have yet to see their own beauty.” Please recommend it to anyone you know struggling with this issue (women and advanced high-schoolers since it does contain some intimacy). I hope Deidre ‘s journey to self- love inspires you. https://goo.gl/guihyL



Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and uses skills learned from her work as a coach as well as lessons from her own journey to write articles providing tips for successful living and to tell stories of hope and personal triumph. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a National Indie Excellence Awards finalist. Her short story titled Birthday Surprise received honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest Short Story Contest. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

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