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10303363_10152679081277585_821590044527782339_nI’ve been waiting for a man to speak up about this. Women fail to realize that men are designed in such a way that they know almost instantaneously or very soon in the dating process whether or not someone is for them and whether they can build a life with that person. Success leaves clues and I wholeheartedly believe in following the patterns of the universe…it just makes life easier. Ask most men who are happily married or in a long term committed relationship and they will tell you…as soon as I met her, I knew. That’s the way they are designed. As women, we are circumventing that process. When you put the tight dress on and went past his job for the third time this week, you circumvented that process. Eventually, a man will respond…few men will turn down free “opportunities,” but in the long run you’ll have trouble keeping him. Why? You never really captured his interest…his heart never opened for you. I understand that the concept of waiting to be chosen can sound like a 1950’s housewife—as a product of the feminist movement myself, we’ve been conditioned to “get ours,” whether it’s a job, a car or anything else we might want, but successful relationships are an area where pursuit typically doesn’t work to our advantage. It behooves us as women, even those of us who’ve been conditioned to “make it happen,” to follow the natural pattern of the universe. It has a higher potential of success.

When men see the woman they want, they move on the natural attraction or draw they have toward that female. He won’t know what it is, but he’ll just like being around her. It’s the feeling that she gives him. It’s the evoking of the “internal smile” or a “natural intelligence” that draws him to her. Looks barely enter the equation. Unfortunately, as women, we’re taking extreme measures—doing ridiculous things to our faces and bodies, all for the sake of eliminating the competition and getting the man. You’ll get him, but you won’t hold his interest. He’ll keep looking for the one that moves him. Just look at the beautiful women on the reality shows…as beautiful as they are, they are all being cheated on. Their lives revolve around keeping track of their men. Who has the time and energy to be fighting to keep a man in your bed? Life is way too short and much too interesting for that.

So, come out of the lingerie store and climb down off the pole you installed in your bedroom and shorten the weave, because when you’re the one for them, they don’t care about all that. Just be yourself and get busy building your own fabulous life. Love yourself and be sure enough of your own value to let the man who is for you, come to you. It may take some time, but anything of value is worth waiting for. When he identifies you as the one he would willingly spend the rest of his life with, and he’s willing to move heaven and earth to have you, and you feel the same way about him… now that’s a match made in heaven.

 To Your Journey,


Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She writes about life, love and the journey and blogs on topics for living a successful life. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a 2012 NIEA finalist. Her second book is titled Indiscretion and her third book is titled Dirty. All books are available on Amazon. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.