He said…She’s a nag. She said…He never listens to me. Can this marriage be saved?
Oftentimes, a man will label a woman a “nag.” She has wisdom and insight on running the household, raising children and even other areas like financial matters, but because of the collective notion that a man should be in charge and a woman should stay in her place, it’s hard for him to receive it. When a woman offers her input, a man’s ego can sometimes get in the way and instead of seeing her as an augmentation; someone who has different skills and insight that could benefit the partnership, he sees her as a threat. Who is she to tell me? I’m the king of this castle. As the man’s ego feels threatened he blocks her out, ignores her input.
Here’s where the ball gets rolling. As he blocks her out, she starts to feel like she’s not valued, not honored, possibly even not loved. The gentle reminders start to get forceful. She presses in on issues, not as an attempt to get him to do what she says (the man oftentimes sees it this way), but in an attempt to be heard, to feel valued, respected, not ignored. She wants to know that her man considers her a quality addition to the partnership.
He’s not getting what he wants—respect, peace and quiet. And she’s not getting what she wants—appreciation, validation, love. On the surface it appears to be about her being a “nag” or him not listening, but what it really is, is the call of the Self–an invitation for both partners to grow into maturity. To transform themselves and ultimately transform the relationship.
Men… a woman who offers advice or has a better way of doing things is not a threat. If you had a business partnership, wouldn’t you welcome a different set of skills and someone who could offer a different perspective on things? I think that’s smart business. As with any partnership, diversity is an asset. Capitalize on each other’s strengths. And women, recognize your own worth and value. You don’t need your husband to validate you in order for you to feel okay. Present your arguments in a logical and respectful way. Withhold emotions and biting comments—those come from a place of insecurity. Once you understand who you are and the value you hold as a woman, you’ll earn a man’s respect. If you’re not being heard, don’t get angry, try a different approach.
Can this marriage be saved? Sure it can. Recognize your love for one another. When a problem arises, ask yourself, what’s your responsibility in the creation of the drama? In what areas do you need to grow? Be willing to do whatever you can to move toward resolution to problems as they arise, not toward being right or keeping score. As we continue to grow and transform ourselves, a loving relationship will be a natural by-product of our growth. Before long you’ll be running like a well oiled machine.
To Your Journey,
Tonya Lampley is a fiction author and Certified Life Coach. She writes stories about life, love and the journey and blogs on topics for living a successful life. Her debut novel was titled A Taste of Love and was a 2012 NIEA finalist. Her second book is titled Indiscretion. Both books are available on Amazon. For more information about Tonya and her works please visit www.TonyaLampley.com. Free short story available here!