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Okay…for the past several weeks I’ve been pretty busy. I’ve been working feverishly to polish my latest book and querying publishers and I’m happy to announce…I just signed a contract! The book will be available later this year. More details to follow.

Not the reason for this blog. The reason for this blog is that also over the past several weeks I’ve had an epiphany. I’ve found myself in a few heated exchanges which has led me to make a vow to myself that I will never, ever ever, have an argument with anyone, ever again.

Why? It’s futile. And also, people have the right to believe and think whatever they want. Doesn’t matter my opinion about the subject, doesn’t matter that I know in my heart of hearts that I’m right and they’re wrong, doesn’t matter if they are about to do something really stupid and mess themselves up really badly. People have the right to think and feel whatever they want. Their journey is their own…who am I to interfere? Sure, I can offer friendly advice, but at the end of the day, they get to choose what’s best for them, not me. Not to mention, an opinion is just that…what’s there to defend?

Another reason is that people will always see the world through their own lens. There are two sides to every story and then there’s the truth. I bring my view of the situation to the table that is shaped by my personality, personal experiences, biases, upbringing etc. and the other person does the same…sometimes you just won’t agree and that’s okay. I have made a commitment to always hear the other person and chew on what they are saying. If it’s not for me, I’ll spit it out, but I will at least hear them out and carefully consider what they are saying. Sometimes I don’t know everything :-).

Additionally, I will never again try to defend myself or explain what I mean to anyone else. I had a situation the other day where someone misinterpreted what I said and I spent way too much time trying to explain what I actually meant. Unfortunately, the truth of what I actually meant was obscured by her belief of what I actually meant and that train wasn’t leaving the station. It was a completely bogus use of time. Somewhere in the middle of it I thought…this is stupid. You have the right to believe whatever you want. She wanted to be right more than she wanted my explanation. Have at it. Who am I to convince you otherwise? We become who we are based on our ability to choose—it is an individual right and one that I honor.

So now, if I’m asked, I will offer my opinion gently and with kindness allowing the other their right to choose or reject it. Whether they accept it or not is none of my concern. Lengthy debates where I defend my position or myself are no more—there are many viewpoints in the world and people have the right to think and choose as they please.

The heavens just parted ya’ll. I can feel peace raining down.

To Your Journey,

Tonya

Tonya Lampley is a Cincinnati based fiction author, writing on life, love, and the journey. Her debut novel is titled A Taste of Love and was an NIEA 2012 finalist. Her second novel is scheduled for release in 2013.  To learn more about Tonya and her works or sign up for news about her upcoming release, please visit www.TonyaLampley.com.

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